I'm Reaching For Your Heart

The hunger and thirst for God just needs to get deeper and deeper. That's my conclusion, if not, we'll get complacent at where we are at in our relationship and walk with God. In the last 4 weeks or so, I've been fasting, and praying and seeking God. One thing that God has not failed to reveal to me in the last 4 weeks constantly, is the need to draw back to God. There is a need to grow in our hunger for more of God in our lives.

As I fasted and sought God, I come to realise that the hunger that I go through (spiritually), can only be filled with the Spirit of God, can only be filled by the power of God. I asked God daily to come and fill me, and the hunger just keeps growing to want to know God more, to want to spend more time with God, to want to just draw so close to Him. I can't explain the feeling, but it's like I want to give up everything in my life, to just want to be with God. I have come to a point at work, in life, that I am not seeing the value of what I do in life, that I just want to be closer to God.

I want to worship God all my life. I just want to look to God. I realise that it isn't that easy to just give up everything to just be with God. And I cried out, and asked God, I want to reach out for His heart, I want to be closer to Him, and I am not satisfied at my relationship with Him. I just feel that there is so much more for me to come to know and worship Him.

I'm reaching for Your Heart
You hold my life in your hands
Drawing me closer to you
I feel your power renew
Nothing compares to this place
Where I can see you face to face
I worship you in Spirit and in truth

Truly the lyrics of this song, tells of my heart......... that I want to be where He is, as He draws me closer, it is like He is there face to face. There is nothing that can be compared to where God wants to draw us to. So close that we can smell and breath His breathe......so close that we can feel and touch the heart beat of God. That is my heart cry to want to be with God. What is your heart cry today? How much of us would cry out for God, to reach out to touch His heart. Don't let it be a lip service today, but a heart service unto God. That we want to connect heart to heart with God. Let it be His power that will renew you. Let it be His Spirit that will fall afresh on you.

Acts 2:25-28

David said about him: " 'I saw the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will live in hope, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.

The Test of Faith

Have you ever wondered why our faith needs to be tested?

Faith that's tested, is fatih that has been stretched. And the real test comes when everything doesn't turn out the way you expects it to. In the last 2 months or so, I don't know if it is a test of my faith or not, but I sure know that my faith has been stretched, and I can still feel that God is stretching it further. I've come to the point that every thing that I go through, I feel so helpless, and drowning, that I only find comfort in coming back to God and relying on Him. In ministry, in work, in relationship, in studies, in all of my life. I came to that point of feeling so "small", that only 1 thing will work, and that is to come back and seek God.

I have tried doing it all, and solving it all with my strength and knowledge, but am too tired doing it all, that I felt, there is only 1 way, and that is to come back to seek God. Recently, on a Friday that I needed to preach in a unit evangelistic meeting, I felt so "oppressed" and "strangled" before the meeting, that I had the thought to back out and not go. It was so bad I couldn't focus at work, and I just felt to pray. I spend about almost an hour before the meeting just praying. It brought me peace after that, and all I knew then is that I need to rely on God.

And then recently at work as well, been a few challenges, and then faced some more failures in trying to seek new jobs, and came to that point that I can only continue on in my current job because of God's grace in my life. Again I was pointed back to rely on God, and not doubt God in what He's doing in my life. The thought that crosses my mind is "why does it seem so easy for others to just get a new job, and so hard for me?" I was upset with God for a short moment, but then was reminded that He knows the best for me. So i didn't continue to dwell on it.

To add to all that, I had the dilemma of studies, wondering whether I am being foolish to continue my studies this semester, or to postpone it. I went to class, felt such a turmoil in me, to the point that I thought I was going crazy. Wow, I felt then again, I need to rely on God. I wondered what is happening. I spent some time just crying out to God and allowing His Spirit to release that oppression in me.

And finally, ministry .............. but I know I didn't need to go through all that to know that it is about relying on God again. Well, faith tested will emerge stronger. I'm sure God is growing my faith in Him, to rely on Him more, and to trust even when things ahead are overwhelming. In my heart, I prayed and told God, I'll never give up on Him. Though outwardly I am pushing to "swim to the surface", I know that inwardly, God is encouraging me that He is the one that's pushing me. How comforting a thought to know that God is the one that's at the end. I know that this test will break something in me to the point that I can only come back to God. Everything that I seem to know to rely on is not there, except God..........that's how I feel.

I wondered how Job felt when he went through all those testings. When I am not focused in God, it will be as if God has left me completely in the situation that I am in, yet I know that is not true, because God cares, and He cares enough to make sure that I remember how to come back to rely on Him. This day, if you are reading this, I'm not sure how much of it makes sense to you, but I want to say that God wants you and I to know "He is there, waiting for us to fall back and lean on Him."