Soul Strength vs Speed of Ministry

Recently, I stumbled upon an article called "Soul Train" by Mindy Caliguire, from the Leadership journal, Spring 2007. It is a good reminder article about our focus in this whole Christianity walk. It talks about our soul strength, which is our inner life, inner man, and that God is the only one that can build this inner life, inner man within you, and speed - of which the speed of getting involved and committed into ministry life, and the works and tasks involved. It brought up a really important point, which caused me to stop and paused to think...........where am I today?

This important point is that if our soul strength (inner life, inner man) is left unchecked after a period of time, can cause us to fall into a mode of just doing ministry, rather than having a life in ministry. Our soul strength could be left unchecked when we are in the busyness of doing and serving in ministry, and we forget that it is God we need to focus on, not our ministry. Ministry is on a side dish, and God is the main dish. Our relationship with God needs to be the foundation of our service in ministry. This has led me to remember a long time ago, when I was serving to a point of almost burn out, God challenged me and asked me who or what am I serving, God or ministry? And once again, as I read this, I have to re-checked my heart once again, is it God or is it ministry?

Our soul strength is not dependent on how much we can do, or how fast we can complete it. Our soul strength depends on how much time we spend to get to know God. It said in the article, that our speed line (that of ministry) is defined by our soul line (our soul strength). In other words, how far and fast we go in ministry is determined by our relationship with God, how much we are receiving and getting from God. The deeper our relationship and trust is in God, the further and more intense, we will be able to last through in ministry. It is a strategic decision that we need to make, whether to care for our soul (grow in a nurturing relationship with God), for long term effectiveness, or ignoring our soul and risking burnout and frustrations.

Mindy Caliguire puts it very well "Learning to let the health of our soul determine the speed of our ministry is what it means to run the race with endurance."

I am challenged that in this new year of 2008, I am determined to grow in a stronger health for my soul, to nourish and develop it with the Word of God, so that I will be able to find the strength and grace of God to endure the trials of ministry, all the way, to the end. Like how 1 Peter 1:24-25 puts it "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever." I want to build a soul that is everlasting in God, and God's word that never fades away will help one to endure to the end. Hope you can join me in this as well.

The Miracle of Life

Ever thought where did life come from, or even how precious, yet fragile life could be?
As a child, I remember, I always wondered how did life come about, as in how amazing a human body can be created with such intricacies. And how did the person who created human knew that the body has to developed in such and such a way. Of course then, I never heard or knew God, and never was I ever able to imagine that the human could be formed with such perfection. And as I write this, I know very well that God has just created us, and He even knows every single hair that we have on our body.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:30-31

That's just very much where life come from, and the very fact that God has created us makes it clear that we belong to God, the creator of life. As He gives, He can take it away as well, of course not in a bad way, but just as how Enoch walked with God, and He walked no more. And I believe in recent events in life it has caused me to continue to ponder upon life, and how urgent it is for us to continue to do the work of God until Christ returns. Despite being a phlegmatic, I am not just wanting to wait till something happens before I respond, but I want to be ready, and prepared when whatever happens, happens. One thing that really struck me
is when our brother Zion, out of his generous and brave heart, lost his life to save another person. And hearing the testimonies of his parents and friends around, made me realise that it is so important to make sure that every person, every life that we are in contact with, it may be that one and only time, that we should try to make a Godly impact and influence upon them that they may remember it. Because you do not know how God can use us in those times to draw people one step closer to Him.

Life is such a miracle and gift from God, and yet at the same time, with it being so fragile, that we should never hold on too tight to it, because there is a greater eternal life that God has promised us. And as well, with it being so precious, we should never waste it away doing things that will not draw us closer to God. And further, to realise that because it is so fragile, let's make every effort that we can to bring the good news of eternal life to others out there that do not know it yet. My prayer to God is that "God, help me to grow in you, and draw closer to you daily, and as that is my desire, may you help me to see deeper into your heart, that I may grow in a greater desire to want to bring your eternal life unto others as well." It is not enough to just be a good testimony, we need to bring the truth, we need to bring God's love even more.

Faith & Grace

1 Peter 1:6-7
"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine, and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

How genuine is your faith, is it one that will stand firm through the fires, and not even be shaken? When you look at a house that gets burnt down, it doesn't stay up much longer, even the high heats can cause the building to collaspe. What is so strong that even the fire can't burn down? Even gold will perish in fire..........wow, but God's word teaches us that your faith in God can be stronger than the fire, that it can grow to that place that it will not be burn down by anything.

It goes to show that there is so much that our faith needs growing. It needs to be tested, it needs to be put through trials and fires. It needs to be tested to the extent that even when all around you falls, your faith in God will still draw you back to Him. Is that your faith today? That is the question that I asked myself this couple of days. I have been tempted to give up in certain things that I have been doing, and many a times, it is situational/circumstantial experience that cause me to just feel like giving it all in. But every time when I get there, I am reminded with the fact that God is with me, how can I not trust God?

Last night's sermon about appropriating God's grace in our lives, brings to mind again and again how great God is to me, and how much He loves me. And how much grace He lavishes on me. I'm so glad that there is such a thing as GRACE. Though you don't deserve it, but God still wants to give it to you. I feel so priviledge that God has chosen to give to those who believe in Him, His grace. His grace is more than sufficient, and when you can experience the grace of God in your life, that may spur you on to continue to stick it through with God, and grow in your faith, because of who you know God to be. I pray that you will grow in the genuiness of your faith in God as you continue to understand God's grace in your life too.

The Last One Year

It has been one year, since this blog site has started. As I look back at all the different entries, I realise that God has done a lot in this last one year. Though time has flown so quickly, yet the times past has brought a lot of rough edges to smooth ones, because of the work of God. Looking at it, God has been growing in me the different fruits of the spirit, in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. How amazing that through it all, God never steer away from what He has promise us, but rather, it is our discipline to stick to God.

One of the huge area that God is really growing me in is LOVE. Loving God, deeper, and deeper each day. Every time the going gets tough, I realise that one basic principle that God reminds me of is to understand His LOVE. How great His Love is, that it embraces and emcompasses all things. 1 Cor 13 tells us all about His Love, but the question is are you able to live out what 1 Cor 13 says. It is almost impossible, but yet I find that it can be done if we choose to grow deeper in love with God, and love Him and know Him for who He is in our lives. The struggles of ministries, life, career, and everything brings me to a deeper place with God. The dryness that I went through in the times of those struggles, has brought me to a greater thirst for God. I did wonder how some people have shared that God brings us through a dryness for a purpose. That season is not just for us to feel defeated and question and doubt God, but that season is a time of testing, where God wants you to rely on Him in a deeper level. I have come to a point where I felt totally dried up like a desert, but I could never understand what has kept me going, only in the depth of my heart, I knew that God is with me, and that He is the only one that I can rely and come back to. That was like such a source of strength for me, and when I look at it, even in the downcast of my soul, I realise that God has used me still, to bless many others who do not yet know Him, and even more so, brought people back to God.

This season hasn't been the easiet of all, but yet, I do feel refreshed.......refresh to start a new season with God, and refresh to know that He has something new in plan for me, one where I can learn to grow and rely on God more. Many things when I look at it, I wondered where on earth or how i am ever going to be able to do it, but God has done it for me. And when I look at the year ahead, in 2008, there seems a lot more mountains to climb, but that feels good that there is more that we can conquer then. More new grounds and territories that we can claim for Jesus.

I pray that you too, before the year end, if you are reading this, to start looking ahead, and planning how you can equip yourself to conquer those mountains ahead. Mountains are not challenges that are hard or impossible, unless you make them to be one. Mountains are just new grounds to cover, and you need to get high to get over it. So rise up to cover those new grounds.

Walk of Faith

Indeed a walk of faith as I grow in my walk with God. It is not just walking on flat, open ground, but it is coming to the point where it really felt like it is walking on a tight rope that is suspended across the valleys, and any im-balance or wrong move, will cause one to fall off. It is coming to the point where there is nothing to rely on, but only God alone. I don't really know how it feels to walk on a tight rope, I will imagine it to be really mind-boggling, that it will need one filled with faith and courage to say that they will walk on it. Personally, i think it seems crazy to even think about getting on it. I think it is safer to go sky-diving than to walk on that tight rope :)

When we look at our walk with God, I don't know whether you have experience it, but it seems like when we get comfortable with God, God will keep bringing you to until you reach a place where you realise that there is no other securities in your life, that you are left with Him alone.

That's where I see my walk of faith has come to the point of testing once again.

Fighting the different battles, and plus fighting and overcoming self-esteem, and self confidence, has been a constant challenge to realise that my security doesn't lie in my achievements, and in my goodness, or skills, but my security lies in God alone. I guess I am at times faced with the dilemma of to go on or to let it all go. Of course, I know that God desires us to keep going on, but with a "wrong intent" desire, I cry out for Jesus to come back. I laugh at it when I look at my own heart, but yet, I cry when I reflect more into it. There is one prayer that I make every other day............."God, help me to hold on, and not let go. That my confidence is placed in You alone; Even though everything may pass away, but Your Word will never return void, and I want to press on until I see the will of God fulfilled."

I do not know if you ever go through those times of dilemma.......but if you do, just as this verse as challenged me to stay on in God, I pray that it will be a blessing to you as well.

"6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Dedicated to God alone

This is for God. So much has happened, that it has brought me to the very fact that it is all for God. No matter who I am, what I do, where I am, it is truly God's grace and glory that deserves it. I am a child of God, and I get to share in His grace and glory, but it is HIS, not mine.

I awoke to the fact that I am a child of God, a child, dedicated to God. It is a blessing to be a child that is dedicated to God. Not that I never knew that, but I have come to understand even more so that I am not my own, but I am a child of God. Being this child of God has brought me to a place:
where when I feel weak, I know that I can be strong because of God.
where when I am lost, I know that I can look up to God
where when I am not able to do it, I know that God will help me
where when I feel I don't deserve it, I thank God for what He has done
where when I am hungry, I know that He will provide
where when I am down, He will pick me up

As I look more into my life, I start to realise that at times, is it all worth it? Why did God put in so much into my life, why did He sacrifice so much for me, when I really don't deserve it. My sin, and my fallen nature into the world of temptations just make me really wonder why did God persevere so much in me? Of course many of us will know that it is God's love.........but more so, purely because He has called us His sons and daughters, and we have cried out "Abba Father".

Psalms 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd, - JEHOVAH ROHI
I shall not be in want. - JEHOVAH JIREH
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, - JEHOVAH SHALOM
3 he restores my soul. - JEHOVAH ROPHE
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. - JEHOVAH TSIDKENU
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; - JEHOVAH SHAMMAH
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. - JEHOVAH NISSI
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. - JEHOVAH M'KADDESH
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

He is my all, and my life is unto Him alone. I can't let go, because I know that God will not. I am His child, dedicated to Him alone.

Salute to Judah 7

As promised to all Judah 7, during the unit getaway, that I'll share it all out on the blog, here it is. Sorry that it took that long, just with the settling into new job, didn't want to stay up too late at night. But well, really have to write it out, if not, it's going to come out in a "bluraaaah".........Hahaha........too much to want to share.

Well, firstly, a salutation to all of you guys and gals who were at the getaway, but as well for those who were not there. I am truly blessed by many of your sharing, and also by many of your sincerity and generosity. It is amazing what you guys have done, although it may not have seem much to you, but it has been a tremendous blessing to me.

As I was preparing for the getaway, one of the things that really struck me strong was to build a community of love, faith and hope in the group. And that this love, faith and hope can out flow of us into all those around us. And as I prayed through it, Eccl 4:9-12 became more real to me, and as I did a bit more study around it, it just brought forth a greater assurance to me, that all of these can happen when we realise that God is the centre of it all, and that the 3rd strand of cord is God. I became excited, because I know that this is all becoming real and possible. During the getaway, I am so blessed by the sincerity of all your worship unto God, the heart to praise and worship, the heart to surrendar to God was demonstrated, and I believed that we all had that taste of heaven on that worship night. I realise then that that was just a taste, how nice if it was "as big as a meal".

Anyway, I was touched by God as well, to truly respond to step out and rise up in my leadership. But more than that, I was also touched by your humble response to desire for more of God. I just felt that corporately, as we come to hunger for more of God, that His presence will be found by all. And through the getaway, it was indeed another "taste of heaven" to see how you guys served and supported one another. I looked at it and felt, wow, I don't think i need to preach on unity anymore, you guys are already doing it. It was great to see people tolerating with one another through the different things, and even how there was no grumbles, even when we got to the waterfall, and only saw a trickle of it. Haha..........I really thought that was an amazing sight. It just gladdens my heart to see how we choose to support and love one another. And as well, to laugh with one another. Although I know some of our legs were tired, but haha, well, we all had a good workout, so that we could eat ice-cream later.

But most of all, I really want to thank and honor all of you in Judah 7 for all the great support and love that you have shown to one another and also to myself. It is indeed a joy to be leading all of you. Of course there are challenges, and issues, it is not smooth sailing, but your heart for God, for people and for one another has spur me on to keep growing so that I can lead you more. When I see how you guys served one another, and support and pray, I see Christ in you, and I pray that we'll keep doing that. As this is the influence that we want to bring to others, that they too may see Christ in us. The joy that each one of you brings to the unit is indeed a true blessing. Judah 7 wouldn't have been possible without each and individual one of you. I'm proud of you guys, and I know that you bunch of people will bring God's Kingdom far, because of your heart and enthusiasm for God. I know that we go through our daily struggles, and hearing all your sharing, really lifted my spirit. That despite that you are busy, stressed, and facing your day to day struggles, yet you all are really looking forward to the getaway, not just to have a break, but more so to be refreshed in God, and with one another. This has just brought such encouragement to my heart.

I think this sharing can go on and on and on, no words can described how grateful I am to God for all of you, and as well, nothing can be compared to all that you guys have done. You are awesome, and thank you once again. All honor and glory to God, but more than that too, you have made that difference in me, and others around. Let's keep Ecc 4:9-12 upon our hearts:

" Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves."A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Remeber we are not in God's business alone, we are with Him. "

Salute to all of you once again:
Amelia - the wonderful chef
Andy - the humble brother
Belinda - the clever girl
Charmaine - the quiet enthusiast
Diana - the talented song writer "hehe.......waiting for that song you wrote at the getaway"
Eileen - the young perseverer
Fei - the faithful supporter
Ian - the faith-filled listener - thank you for always stepping out of your comfort zone.
Sam - the joyful and cheeky entertainer
Sean - the ever willing and "Yes" man
Samuel - our resident musician
Patrick - the quiet oberserver
Derrick - the organised organiser
Paul - the careful game-master
Melissa - the "laughable" and tender loving "care bear"
Jonathan - the creative dancer (haha though I haven't seen it, but I heard a lot about it)
Rose - the faithful camera girl
Rachel - the delightful screamer (adds life in the night times)
Atieno - the sunshine of the group
Miranda - the excited praise leader
Shuling - the warmth "smily" girl


Love you all heaps. Thank you for all your blessings - you have demonstrated Acts 2 church, let's go out and influence others.

Love
joy :)

Empowerment from God

How much can we rely on the Holy Spirit? Do we know that the power of God is for us to claim. How much are we tapping on the strength of God. I like how King David wrote it in Psalm 18.........

"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me a shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn."

Psalm 18:32-36

There is so much that God can assist us with, do we realise that? Or are we still trying to fiddle here and there and trying to work it out on our own. Of course to balance it, it is not just expecting that God is going to do everything for us. God requires us to work with Him. But when we learn to trust in the power of God and His empowerment, there is more and greater things that can be done through us. No longer do we need to live in our own fears of whether we can do it, but it is God that can empower what we have, to do His work. And it will be His promises that come to pass, and not just our dreams and goals.

Sometimes our dreams and goals are limited by our own thinking capacity. We look at what we have, and what we can do, or have done, and set goals that are within our reach. But if we learn and discipline our minds and hearts to see that it is God's power that can move through us, to fulfill His promises, we'll learn to think BIG.

I've been recently challenged when I saw the movie "Amazing Grace" and how William Wilburforce pursued the will of God for 18 years. Wow, it's not just sheer perseverence, but it's conviction and he knew that it's God's call for him that His will be fulfilled through him (William). I then thought about how much William has sacrificed because of his faith and belief in God's power. He did let go of it for a season, but yet it still burnt deeply in his heart to see the slave trade abolished. It is truly only God's grace that has enabled William to see the will of God fulfilled. And that brought me to realise that it is by God's grace that we can receive such power and empowerment from our heavenly Father.

Wow........it just inspired me to want to do more. I've got big dreams that I have never declared, not being able to see how those dreams could come to pass with me. But when I see God in me, I start to see what God can possibly do, or even what God has started within me. I am determined to pursue those dreams, but more so, to pursue the will of God for my life until I see it come to pass. And knowing that it is only the power and grace of God that can bring me there.

Press on, my brothers and sisters, don't give up on the Grace of God upon your life, He has freely given His Grace into your life, not for you to freely waste it away, but for you to claim it and live out the "freedom" He has promised. Start dreaming those big dreams for Him, and let Him speak into your heart.

Thank you God, It's over

Sounds like a funny title, but that's how I felt. Yesterday, I resigned from my current job, and amazingly a weight seems to be lifted from my shoulders, and I felt relieved. I never realised how much burden I've been carrying in this job, and it made me realised that God has a purpose for this weight to be there, and for it to be lifted. It has been 6 months of trying to find a new job, and like i've shared before, it's amazing that God has not opened all the doors that I thought was good, because God has the best for me. But I just want to take this opportunity to thank God for many things over the 6 months, despite it being one of the most challenging times in my life.

I remember sharing with my sheep during shepherding, about my experience so far, I came to realise that God has done so much, that I haven't had time to sit and reflect, and thank God sincerely. I have learnt so much in growing in my leadership, and have allowed God to stretch me in my leadership. More so as well, to learn so much about what is integrity, and what is not, and even to come to see someone who demonstrates integrity is "detested" by others. It is like a battle between the righteous and unrighteous, and how much God allows the battle to happen, so as to strengthen the righteous, and cause the righteous not to be moved, but to stand firm on their grounds of integrity. As well, been involved in senior management at work has also open my eyes to the ugliness of poor managment of politics. I have been looking and observing and thinking, wherever there is people, there will be politics, and the challenge for a leader is how they will manage those politics, and how they can lead others to be there with them as well. It was appalling when I was exposed to the cruelty of human beings when they mixed professionalism and personal boundaries. This just lead to the downfall of management, and the outcome is poor management of politics, and of course people become hurt, angry and frustrated. It was even more heart breaking when you realise that the poor professionalism of a manager is hindered by unforgiveness in their personal life. This just made me wake up and be reminded that one cannot have unforgiveness, it will grow to become bitterness, and bitterness when not dealt with causes one to sin.

A part of me felt great injustice about many things that have happened, but i thank God that He has granted me patience and grace to not jump into dealing with injustice, but to leave the vindication to God. I believe that the righteous will stand and the unrighteous (no matter how big and powerful they might be now), they will fall. I have prayed and have clear directions from God that it's no point being stuck in the cycle and allow myself to become bitter about it all. Yes I was and am still hurt but yet I have chosen to forgive, and will not be critical about the whole thing, but rather, to still love. And I think that was what has set me free too, to just feel that sense of relieve, and that sense of "Thank God........I'm so glad I've finished this chapter with you".

Finally as well, I really thank God for the relationships that have been build in the workplace. The support, the network, and the care is something that I will not exchange for. Ministry is truly about people, and these are lives that God has placed in my pathways, and I believe that the relationship build will be one that will continue, so that God's love will continue to flow to them, through me. I pray that these relationships will be presevered, and I pray that God will continue to use me to be a blessing in the lives of others.

Yesterday when I was on my way home, the song that came up kept singing about the faithfulness of God........and indeed, God is faithful, and whether we have the patience to wait for His best timing for us.

** just to let people know too...........the new chapter of my working life will start again in September. That will be another exciting new journey, dealing with the bureaucrats of the government.

Medicine to Stress

What can I say? It has been a month since I blogged. Not that I'm concern how frequent I blog, but I realise that I've bottled so much in me, to want to write, that now, I am writing, I can't get it all out in one nice piece. Anyway, to sum it all up, the last month has been one of the most stressful months of the year so far, and perhaps, maybe in my last couple of years. I couldn't recall ever been at that "maximum stress point" for a long time. But I believe that God was putting me through it to squeeze out all that was not right, and to mold and stretch me to the "perfect" person He is creating in me. Of course I am not perfected yet, but yeah, I can feel God "forcing" me to grow, and stretch to my maximum.

I use to say that sleep is a good way to sleep off the stress, but in this moment of stress, sleep has not helped, but I have found myself to be sleeping even lesser, and lesser, to the point that I am so tired, I can't sleep. Because when I sleep, I do not have peace, and I will wake up even more unsettled.

Anyway, I came to such a stretch point, that I came before God, feeling so broken, and tired, that I asked God to take it away. I lay before God, daily, my worries, my stress, anything I could think of. I put it to God, and ask God to take the "stretch" away from me. But every time, I know in my heart, God is asking me to hang on a bit more, to hold on some more, until He provides the way out of my situation. I was reminded time and time again about my prophecy, of how I would be one that would hold on even when others around me fall away. I "bite my tongue" over and over, to push myself beyond the limit that I see myself able to get to, and kept telling myself that this is of God, and He is with me, and He has called me to this.

What I really want to get to is that ...... whatever that I'm going through, I cannot do it by my own. I realise that going through all these made me rely on God even more, to come into His presence even more, to seek Him even more. There was no stopping of me to think that I can get it through by my own. But there was a great hope within my heart that only God can help me through this time. I have felt God so close many times when I seek Him, that I can only cry, feeling His breathe upon my face...........that warmth just brings me to know that He has a plan for all of these. In my flesh, I wanted to give up, but in my heart and spirit, I struggled to rise over my flesh, and chose to stand firm in God's way.

When time and time again, when triggers arise, and my stress gets out of hand, one thing that helped me to keep my focus is to turn to find God, and choose to stand on His promises and His ways. This brought forth much peace that I can't imagine. Of course, not to say that it is all sorted out, but very much, it helps me to see God in all of the situation, and how He can bring victory into all of it.

God is our shelter, our refuge, our strong tower of strength. His walls that cover over us, will never fall because of the foundation of His love for us. His love is undeniable, and is everlasting. There is no condemnation, and there is nothing that can separate us from the love that Christ has given unto us. Let's turn to Him for that spiritual medicine when we are going through our moments of crisis.

The Plan of God

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

This passage Jeremiah 29:11-13, says so well how God has it all plan, and whether we'll choose to believe in Him, and know that He has the best for us. As humans, at times, I realise that we can't help it but we try to go with what we think is better for us, than to wait for God to show us what His best is for us. Especially if it is after a period of waiting. How much waiting can a human survive through??? I wondered........... Anyway, that's not my point, but I have been learning in the last 6 months, about waiting for God's plan. Even when I don't see it, to have faith that God will provide.

I've been looking for a new job for the last 6 months, sent in quite a number of applications for positions to work with youth and children. I have been wanting to change a job and industry focus, and have been praying, and didn't hear God say no, but did have peace to try out the different options. So here I am, in fact 90% of the jobs that I've applied for, called me in for interview, but well, none of it turn out successful. I rang all of them to get feedback, and it was all "You did really well, and you would have been the next in line, just that there was another person who was better." It came to a point that I wondered if I'm ready to move on, or even started to questioned my own ability. But well, now looking back I realise that God has a purpose in putting me through all those, and closing all those doors.

Recently, I've been given an opportunity in my current workplace to take on a senior role - to be in management. There was a bit of a "crisis", and my manager left. It was a huge impact upon me, because I have looked up to her so much, and her mentorship over me has taught me tremendously. I wanted to leave as well, but I had a prompting in my spirit to stay on to be the "salt & light" to the rest of the people in the team and workplace. I spend that 1 night (when everything happened), praying and asking God to show me why? Why me???? And God reminded me of one of my prophecies .......... "though others (even leaders) may go, but He will strengthen me to stand up in those times to lead". I cried before God, and said that I don't know how but just gave it all to Him. It came to this point that I know deep in my heart, that my only motivation to go to work is because God has called me.

Wow, that was a real revelation and challenge to my heart. But after a week of thinking through and praying, it was clear in my heart and mind that God has closed all those other doors very clearly, but because of my human desire, I kept on doing what I wanted. And when God took it all away, and showed me the "biggest" door He has opened, it just dawn upon me that God wanted to test me to see if I will still trust Him. Think about it ............. I have been searching for job for 6 months, and then all of a sudden, "BANG" the door was open, but it's the most unexpected door that God has opened.

Well, all I can say is that God's sovereign plan is the best. He will bring out the best in you and to you, if you will let Him. I have never felt so broken and weak before Him, but I guess it is in our contriteness that the greatness of God can be revealed. Praise God!!!

As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. Ps 18:30

Gentleness

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Galatians 5:22-23

Gentleness, one of the fruit of the holy spirit.

Recently, I have been reading a book "Men are from Israel, Women are from Moab". It talks about the characteristics of Ruth & Boaz. And there was so much that I learnt. One of the things that really stood out to me is the characteristic of GENTLENESS in Boaz. It says that healthy women are attracted to gentle men. Despite the fact that the society may see gentleness as a feminine trait, but the Bible holds up men as the model of gentleness. As read in the different scriptures:

1 Thess 2:7 "As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, 7but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children."

1 Tim 3:3 " not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. "

2 Tim 2:25 "Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth,"

The book mentioned that "gentleness" is a character that God places a high value on, and just like Boaz, he has demonstrated his gentleness in how he treated Ruth although she is a "foreigner" on his land, not only did he not chase her away or humiliate her, but he told his men to take care of her and they were instructed not to be rude to her either. Only one with such gentleness will be able to shower such grace over others.

As I think about how much gentleness is seen as a weakness in the society today, it needs to be a perspective that has to be changed. Personally when I look at it, I realise that God is so faithful to grant me such a gentle man like Han. It has never occured to me that such character has got such great strengths, until I look deeper, then do I realise that there is so much beneathe that gentleness. The patience that he has shown me has taught me to show more grace and patience; The love he has given has made me want to love God's people more; The care he has showered me with has brought me to be more caring; The person he is has brought out the strengths in me. I am truly so blessed.

"Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength." Henry Ward Beecher

One Life, One Love and One Heart

The lyrics of this song tells of my prayer to God...........


ONE LIFE, I LAY AT YOUR ALTAR
ONE LOVE, I HAVE WITH YOU
TOUCH ME AGAIN
FILL ME AS YOU HOLD MY OUTSTRETCHED HANDS
ONE WORD, YOU KNOW I WILL FOLLOW
ONE HEART, BROKEN TO YOU
USE ME AGAIN
YOUR MERCIES FOLLOW ME FOR ALL MY DAYS



When i heard this song, I was very touched by it, because it says of my heart so much, to want to give it all to God, and God alone. It was like a renewal of my love unto God again since my salvation.

That one life, one heart and one love is for God alone. Is it truly just for God, or is it for the things of the world. Where does your one life, one heart belongs? As for me..........my one life, one heart and one love belongs to the Kingdom of God. It is not about me, it is about God. I like what Ps. Jeff preached today, he said that it is not about you. That reminds me once again that it is not my achievements, or my skills, and etc....... but it is God's achievements, glory and it is His and all His alone.

This is a constant call and reminder to humility, that no matter how much and well you perform, it is not about you (or me), it is about God.

God is in control

Since I came to know Christ, it has always been evident to me that God is in full control, and He always know what is best. However, the human mind sometimes questioned whether God knows what is best. I'm not sure if any of you may have felt the same as I did, where in our heart, and logical thinking, certain things seem so clear to us why God shouldn't give or allow it to happen in our lives. And of course, as we wait, it didn't happen, and then we start to question if God truly knows what He is doing.

I have been reading the book of Exodus, and praying through it, just as we listen to the weekly expository sermons on Exodus. I am personally blessed by the hand of God over the Israelites, and it just brought me to a greater revelation about God's soverignty and the notion that HE IS the COMMANDER, IN CHARGE. I was reading the part when Moses and the Israelites were at the red sea, and at then there was no way ahead, and the people started to complain and get angry at Moses, and as Moses cry out to the Lord, there was the assurance that God will fight for them, and that God will be with them.

"Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Exodus 14:13-14

It was clear that God has it all in control. Even when He chose to harden the hearts of the Pharoah, and allowed Pharoah and his army to pursue the Israelites. God allowed that to happen, but that's just because He is in control, and He will not let the Israelites perish in the hands of the Egyptians.

This whole story led me to think and ponder over my situation, where I've been anxiously and eagerly searching for a new job. There have been a couple of times that I thought and reasoned, that that's the perfect sort of job for me to learn and eventually use those skills for church full time ministry, and in my heart, prayed "according to my own will" that I'll get the job, and setting it like a condition to God. But when I look at it all now, I felt that I have been deceiving myself. And as well, have set myself on such high expectations, that when I didn't get any of those jobs, I wondered if I've done something wrong, and that's why God is not giving me the job "I desire". I learnt, it is more important to allow God to do what He knows is best, and to leave it in His control. He may have harden the hearts of those employers, but in His good timing, He will open the right door. I don't understand it myself at times, but can only come back to the basics of Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." It is just simply coming back to trusting God, even when I can reason it out with my mind.

Colossians 3:12-14

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever greivances you have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave. And over all these virtures, put on love which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Have we ever wondered why the last part was added in........about love binding all the virtues together?

Have we ever thought through why 1 Cor 13 was written............ "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Have we challenged ourselves to live out the 2 greatest commandment "to love God and to love your neighbours as yourself"

Have we ever tried Matthew 5:44............ "Love your enemies"

I'm sure we are not surprise why love has to be in the midst of everything, because love covers over a multitude of sin, and God is LOVE. Recently, it has been an ongoing thought upon my mind and heart that God's love needs to be demonstrated, and shown and shared to everyone that's around me. And how much of God's love do I have to be able to give that all in everything that I do. I have been put in positions and stages in life where I have learnt that it is not easy to love those that don't normally "fall in your comfort zone" to love. One of those things is to love the weaknesses of people. And not to judge the weaknesses of people, and not to correct the weaknesses of people - of course balancing that, is that we should still learn to encourage and remember to encourage with love, not with judgement and expectations. This testing is right in my face, with my colleagues, bosses, friends, and even my loved ones, I am stirred not to just judge those weaknesses, but to love them still for who they are, and encourage them with God's love.

God's love came with no condition, it is freely given, and freely shown. Are we able to demonstrate that same love. I cried out to God.............God help me to show your love to others. Forgive me of trying to love with my own capacity and own strength. Help me, humble me, and change my heart. Let the love of God flow from me, let people see, experience and be touched by God's love demonstrated through my faith and actions. Thank you Jesus. Amen.

Decisions.........

I am sure many of us have come to stages in life that we have to make some sort of major decisions, whether is it with regards to life, ministry, relationship, studies, career, and many other things. Have you ever asked what is it that you make your decisions base upon? Is it upon the foundations of God? or the foundations of your experiences?

Well, that is the challenge..........what sort of decisions are we making today. Of course not to say that even when you are deciding what to eat, you need to ask yourself if it is of God or of experience, but at least in the more significant decisions. Recently, I have been faced with the challenge of making decisions about my career. It is a wonder how monetary values can sometimes be so "inviting" than Godly values. Of course in the head knowledge, you know that you should go back to God and seek Him, rather than just look at the material gains. However, it's amazing how our mind can be tempted so easily. (haha........shouldn't say it's amazing, but rather I'm "ashamed" that my mind thinks of all these temptations). Anyway, I have been searching for a change in career, and I have been challenged to seek God, and allow Him to open the right doors. I have been to a few interviews, and still nothing has changed, and I wondered if God has a plan for me to stay on at where I'm currently at. And of course at the same time, with me wanting to leave, I've got my manager wanting me to stay, and offering me new opportunities to stay. It really then start to stir within my heart.......is this of God? But the other part of me really wants a change, and doesn't really want to stay on at where I'm at.

I have to come back to God constantly to ask Him to do His will, that it will be His timing and His will about whether I get a new job. It is hard, because many times, it is your desire that you are trying to please. Like I know that with me searching for a new job is because the current one doesn't satisfy my desire, and I'm tired of it, and frustrated with the normal politics of the organisation. But then the question is ..........is getting a new job God's will for me now? When I think of all these, I was led back by Jesus's example when He said that "His food is to do the will of God". And I have to ask myself, if that's the same motivation of mine? This really changed my perspective, that I have to submit it under God's will, and not my desire; and it needs to be base upon my Godly values, and not personal experiences.

What is it for you today? Are your decisions founded upon God's values or your personal experiences? Have you even considered God in your decisions? Or why are you making those decisions?

J-esus O-thers Y-ourself

For a long time, I have always lived with this framework of life, where Jesus is the Lord of my life, and it is always others that will come before myself. Even in the Scriptures, it says that "each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" Philippians 2:4. And at where I am today, I realise that this framework of life has strengthened me to keep serving God and others.

I have been thinking about this framework a fair bit lately, and do realise that this is not just a framework for my Christian living, and daily living, but also a framework for my work. Recently in a class where everyone has to present their emerging framework, I struggled whether I should be preaching the gospel framework that I have and hold. I thought for a long time, and wondered if it will be accepted, or would I be marked down. A voice in me asked me this question "Why should I be afraid to share the gospel framework of JOY?" Why should I try to find a framework that fits into the world's systems? What is wrong with my personal framework?

I thought through it before the presentation, and felt led in my heart to write about my personal framework, and how the values in the Bible influences and form my framework to work. I hesitated about being outright in presenting about Jesus, but when I was in class, a classmate presented wholeheartedly on "Buddhism Zen", and I thought, oh.................I'm so ashamed that I didn't just step out to present "Jesus". And I prayed in my heart to ask God to help me...........and the next day, when it was my turn to present, I stepped out in faith, and presented "Jesus" in the framework of JOY, and also some other biblical values (like Body of Christ, and the two greatest commandments). To my surprise...........it was well accepted in the group of people that I presented to, and my lecturer was there too. They even commented on how amazing the framework of JOY is, and that was when I realise that I shouldn't be ashamed of Jesus in my life.

Well, this expereience taught me that I should not be hiding the life of Jesus in me. It is a major part of my life, and I should not be ashamed of it. Whether I get praises or persecution from preaching the Gospel, I should "press on" like Paul, and not stop sharing about this wonderful Jesus in my life. Be it in the secular world of studies and work, Jesus should never be just kept in my heart, Jesus needs to be shared to the people out there.

As I look back, I do thank God that in my workplace, everyone knows that I am a Christian, and that I have shared with them my love for God and for people, and my committment to God and church, however, I realise that a lot more needs to be done. Many of my colleagues and managers have come to me and said that I have an amazing strength to persevere in the work that I'm doing, I should have outwardly proclaim that it is God who has empowered me to do so. It is because of His love that I'm still doing what I do.

I just want to encourage all of us that we should not be hiding the "Joy" from people around you. They are the ones who witness your lives day in and day out, let them see Jesus in and out of you, and be bold to share it with them.

I'm Reaching For Your Heart

The hunger and thirst for God just needs to get deeper and deeper. That's my conclusion, if not, we'll get complacent at where we are at in our relationship and walk with God. In the last 4 weeks or so, I've been fasting, and praying and seeking God. One thing that God has not failed to reveal to me in the last 4 weeks constantly, is the need to draw back to God. There is a need to grow in our hunger for more of God in our lives.

As I fasted and sought God, I come to realise that the hunger that I go through (spiritually), can only be filled with the Spirit of God, can only be filled by the power of God. I asked God daily to come and fill me, and the hunger just keeps growing to want to know God more, to want to spend more time with God, to want to just draw so close to Him. I can't explain the feeling, but it's like I want to give up everything in my life, to just want to be with God. I have come to a point at work, in life, that I am not seeing the value of what I do in life, that I just want to be closer to God.

I want to worship God all my life. I just want to look to God. I realise that it isn't that easy to just give up everything to just be with God. And I cried out, and asked God, I want to reach out for His heart, I want to be closer to Him, and I am not satisfied at my relationship with Him. I just feel that there is so much more for me to come to know and worship Him.

I'm reaching for Your Heart
You hold my life in your hands
Drawing me closer to you
I feel your power renew
Nothing compares to this place
Where I can see you face to face
I worship you in Spirit and in truth

Truly the lyrics of this song, tells of my heart......... that I want to be where He is, as He draws me closer, it is like He is there face to face. There is nothing that can be compared to where God wants to draw us to. So close that we can smell and breath His breathe......so close that we can feel and touch the heart beat of God. That is my heart cry to want to be with God. What is your heart cry today? How much of us would cry out for God, to reach out to touch His heart. Don't let it be a lip service today, but a heart service unto God. That we want to connect heart to heart with God. Let it be His power that will renew you. Let it be His Spirit that will fall afresh on you.

Acts 2:25-28

David said about him: " 'I saw the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will live in hope, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.

The Test of Faith

Have you ever wondered why our faith needs to be tested?

Faith that's tested, is fatih that has been stretched. And the real test comes when everything doesn't turn out the way you expects it to. In the last 2 months or so, I don't know if it is a test of my faith or not, but I sure know that my faith has been stretched, and I can still feel that God is stretching it further. I've come to the point that every thing that I go through, I feel so helpless, and drowning, that I only find comfort in coming back to God and relying on Him. In ministry, in work, in relationship, in studies, in all of my life. I came to that point of feeling so "small", that only 1 thing will work, and that is to come back and seek God.

I have tried doing it all, and solving it all with my strength and knowledge, but am too tired doing it all, that I felt, there is only 1 way, and that is to come back to seek God. Recently, on a Friday that I needed to preach in a unit evangelistic meeting, I felt so "oppressed" and "strangled" before the meeting, that I had the thought to back out and not go. It was so bad I couldn't focus at work, and I just felt to pray. I spend about almost an hour before the meeting just praying. It brought me peace after that, and all I knew then is that I need to rely on God.

And then recently at work as well, been a few challenges, and then faced some more failures in trying to seek new jobs, and came to that point that I can only continue on in my current job because of God's grace in my life. Again I was pointed back to rely on God, and not doubt God in what He's doing in my life. The thought that crosses my mind is "why does it seem so easy for others to just get a new job, and so hard for me?" I was upset with God for a short moment, but then was reminded that He knows the best for me. So i didn't continue to dwell on it.

To add to all that, I had the dilemma of studies, wondering whether I am being foolish to continue my studies this semester, or to postpone it. I went to class, felt such a turmoil in me, to the point that I thought I was going crazy. Wow, I felt then again, I need to rely on God. I wondered what is happening. I spent some time just crying out to God and allowing His Spirit to release that oppression in me.

And finally, ministry .............. but I know I didn't need to go through all that to know that it is about relying on God again. Well, faith tested will emerge stronger. I'm sure God is growing my faith in Him, to rely on Him more, and to trust even when things ahead are overwhelming. In my heart, I prayed and told God, I'll never give up on Him. Though outwardly I am pushing to "swim to the surface", I know that inwardly, God is encouraging me that He is the one that's pushing me. How comforting a thought to know that God is the one that's at the end. I know that this test will break something in me to the point that I can only come back to God. Everything that I seem to know to rely on is not there, except God..........that's how I feel.

I wondered how Job felt when he went through all those testings. When I am not focused in God, it will be as if God has left me completely in the situation that I am in, yet I know that is not true, because God cares, and He cares enough to make sure that I remember how to come back to rely on Him. This day, if you are reading this, I'm not sure how much of it makes sense to you, but I want to say that God wants you and I to know "He is there, waiting for us to fall back and lean on Him."

The Amazing Creation of God

Well, what could you say.....................when I saw my beautiful niece born, and the lovely face, and active hands and feet, i don't know what to say. I could only look in awe at how beautiful the creation of God is. I never could imagine that such a cute thing comes out from the mummy's tummy, and that it is so perfect that the human mind is not able to comprehend how it all began. I don't know if you have ever wondered................i seldom did, but when I look at my niece, it just really took my breaethe away to realise that God has it all so well planned, to know how to make His lovely children. That really put my mind at ease to know that God knows it so well, right through to every single detail and it is one that no one could even work out how it's done. Only God knows. And that brings me to the assurance that God has my life all in plan, and if only I could trust God completely, to leave Him to make me to be more perfect. Why should I have to worry, if God can create us right from the beginning to be so perfect, that God could change and mold us to be even more Christlike. However, it is for us to trust in Him, and for us to let Him do what He desires in us.

I'll not say any further, but enjoy the beautiful creations of God.

Psalm 139:13-18

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because

I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.
How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

EXTRAVAGANCE

"Let's offer an extravagant worship unto the Lord."

Extravagance seems to always go with giving. And it's not just giving as a tip, but it is giving more than what you can give.

I was reading about the lady who broke the perfume bottle (vase) and poured it over Jesus.............I was really touched by her act, and God spoke in my heart, when was the last time that I broke the vase for Him?

Then Mary took about a pint[a] of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. ..........."Leave her alone," Jesus replied. " It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial. You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me." John 12:3, 7-8

It presented a challenge to my giving unto the Lord. I believe that it is not just about giving a lot that says extravagance, but it is the motivation of giving of all that says extravagance. We can have a lot, but only give a little, but yet we can have little and give a lot.

Mary, she was willing to give up her most expensive possession to Jesus, and choose to anoint Jesus with the perfume. According the the days then, it was crazy to do that. The perfume was worth more than a year's wages, and she knew that she would not have anything after she gives it to Jesus. One would have thought that maybe Mary could have just dab a few dab of the perfume on Jesus, but yet, Mary "BROKE HER VASE", and pour it all...........ALL.............to Jesus. Wow, she didn't even hesitate, but she gave it all. She probably faced a lot of criticisms then, where people probably criticised her for her waste and not being wised.

But hey.............hang on, look at what Jesus said. He's very pleased, and even rebuked those who criticised her. I believe the heart of Jesus is not saying that we need to give "a lot" before He is pleased, but He sees our heart even as we give. And I'm sure Jesus felt really blessed at that time.

This brings me to the question of Extravagant Worship unto the Lord. How much are we giving it to the Lord, in our serving, in our worship, in our love to Him. God doesn't just want us to be doing extravagance, but God wants that extravagance to outflow from our hearts unto Him. When we serve Him with extravagance, it is knowing that we do ministry to our very best, and even more, not for the sake of trying to outshine anyone, but for the sake of Christ. That really brings me to ask myself, am i serving God with my gift fully? Even when I think I've done my best, am I willing to go extra and do even better than my best? That's when I really have to break the vase.

It seems like a high standard of excellence when I say to do even better than my best. But when I think about it, if we only set it to the best, then, we'll only aim at a certain level to reach the best, and that's what we already can do. But when we aim to do even better than our best, we reach higher, and that's when we know that in our own capacity and ability, we can't do it, and it is for God that we try, and for us to rely on God even more.

I realise that I need to change my attitude about just doing my best. I think sometimes, when we say that it is my best that I can offer, it felt like it's an excuse to only grow up to a certain level. But I'm challenged to do even better than my best, so that I can always offer even more unto God, that it will not just be my best, but it will be my extravagance unto God.

An eagle will not soar high if they think they can only fly above the valleys and mountains. However, we see that the eagle has flown to the ends of the earth, it goes to show that they always keep trying to reach as high. I want to soar like an eagle, that will touch the heavens. Would you?

The Pursuit of God

Chasing after God is always something that I personally think is a mystery. Just imagine, how do you chase after something you cannot see, and what can motivate one to keep chasing after something that you do not physically see. It amazes me how one can be pursuing so wholeheartedly, what is it that stirs them, what inspires them, and where did the energy come from?

One passage that I read, and have always been challenged by is what Paul stated in Philippians 3:7-8

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ"

When I look at Paul's heart, it stirs within me the conviction and devotion that Paul had. I become really challenged that am I considering all things in my life uncomparable to the knowledge of Christ in my life? Is Christ so important to me that I will chase and pursue after Him, and not be afraid of losing anything else in my life. As I meditate on this scripture even more, it stirs me to see that it is not just everything I have, but whatever was to my profit, it is not comparable to knowing Christ Jesus. It is like giving up all your life, to just come to know God.

"Am I willing to give up my life to come to know Christ deeper?"
"Am I willing to give up my comfort to come to know Him more?"
"Am I willing to give up my work to serve God more?"
"Am I willing to give up my friendship, relationship to just seek His heart deeper?"

These are questions that I think will be a challenge to answer, how much am I willing to give up to just know God more. Paul is willing to give it all up to just seek God wholeheartedly, am I able to live up to Paul's convictions.........I am challenged, because when I look at it, I don't know if I'm ready to give it all up just to know Christ deeper. It felt like I want the cake, and I also want to eat it. I want to know Christ deeper, but I also want to still keep all I have. But I realise that all these other things that I have in life distracts me a lot from coming to know Christ deeper. And maybe that's why God says so clearly that you should only be serving one master.

When I look at my life, no wonder I seem so far from where God is calling me to, because I don't know Him deeper, and that's just because there have been so much other focus in my life - work, relationship, ministry, and that it has been so hard at times to just prioritise to say that it is just for God alone. As I prayed more, I am just so much more convicted that my purpose in life is to pursue after God alone. The pursuit of God should be one where one runs with the perseverance............just as how Hebrews 12:1-2 says:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders, the sin that so easily entangles, and run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

This year, this is my motto - "to pursue and seek after God, and not just do what I have to do" I want to grow in my conviction that my pursuit of God can be reflected in how everything is considered rubbish, only unless it brings an increase towards more of Christ. I pray that God will lead me to more of Him in my life. Hallelujah!!!

It is for HIM alone

It has been a while since I last put in an entry. Personally, it has been a busy start to the new year, but also one that is exciting and challenging. I have actually so much to share that I do not know where to start from...........

One conviction that God has really laid upon my heart recently as I prayed for my goals for this new year, is that I want to put God first above all else, where nothing else comes before God. It is a constant struggle, not that I have not known, but to put it into action in all areas of my life. I tend to find that when I get busy with work, ministry, I tend to have thoughts to give God a miss that day. And until the end of the day, when I pray and chat with God, I realise that ..........opps, I forgot to spend time with God that day. Being honest, it has happened to me a few times, and I really felt so guilty about it, and that's when I questioned myself, "how important is God to me, that every morning when I wake up, He is the one that I want to look for, not my manager, or my sheep, or my close ones."

I looked at it, and challenge myself that God should be the number 1 of my life, in my work, my ministries, and my relationships with different ones. I have always made this prayer, that God, help me to put you first. But as I look back, it has only been a prayer, and the struggle still remains. And I'm at that point..........God it can't stay that way any longer, but I want to do it, where you are the first one that I think about in all aspects of my life.

I placed upon myself that it is not just a need to draw closer to God, but it is a desire. Such a great desire that nothing else could take that place. I committed it to God the other day, all that will take that place of His, and lay it before His feet. I want to do it like how Paul does it......... where he considers his life worh nothing to him, that if only he may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given (Acts 20:24). I really pray that I can do it, where all that is in my life is worth nothing to me, but what is more precious, is my life and purpose in Christ. It is my heart cry that our achievements, relationships and ministries are not what we are living for, but it is Christ that we are living for.

This is only one of which that God has spoken to me about...................I pray that all that is reading this, will catch the same heartbeat. Let it be Christ that we are living for.