What can I say? It has been a month since I blogged. Not that I'm concern how frequent I blog, but I realise that I've bottled so much in me, to want to write, that now, I am writing, I can't get it all out in one nice piece. Anyway, to sum it all up, the last month has been one of the most stressful months of the year so far, and perhaps, maybe in my last couple of years. I couldn't recall ever been at that "maximum stress point" for a long time. But I believe that God was putting me through it to squeeze out all that was not right, and to mold and stretch me to the "perfect" person He is creating in me. Of course I am not perfected yet, but yeah, I can feel God "forcing" me to grow, and stretch to my maximum.
I use to say that sleep is a good way to sleep off the stress, but in this moment of stress, sleep has not helped, but I have found myself to be sleeping even lesser, and lesser, to the point that I am so tired, I can't sleep. Because when I sleep, I do not have peace, and I will wake up even more unsettled.
Anyway, I came to such a stretch point, that I came before God, feeling so broken, and tired, that I asked God to take it away. I lay before God, daily, my worries, my stress, anything I could think of. I put it to God, and ask God to take the "stretch" away from me. But every time, I know in my heart, God is asking me to hang on a bit more, to hold on some more, until He provides the way out of my situation. I was reminded time and time again about my prophecy, of how I would be one that would hold on even when others around me fall away. I "bite my tongue" over and over, to push myself beyond the limit that I see myself able to get to, and kept telling myself that this is of God, and He is with me, and He has called me to this.
What I really want to get to is that ...... whatever that I'm going through, I cannot do it by my own. I realise that going through all these made me rely on God even more, to come into His presence even more, to seek Him even more. There was no stopping of me to think that I can get it through by my own. But there was a great hope within my heart that only God can help me through this time. I have felt God so close many times when I seek Him, that I can only cry, feeling His breathe upon my face...........that warmth just brings me to know that He has a plan for all of these. In my flesh, I wanted to give up, but in my heart and spirit, I struggled to rise over my flesh, and chose to stand firm in God's way.
When time and time again, when triggers arise, and my stress gets out of hand, one thing that helped me to keep my focus is to turn to find God, and choose to stand on His promises and His ways. This brought forth much peace that I can't imagine. Of course, not to say that it is all sorted out, but very much, it helps me to see God in all of the situation, and how He can bring victory into all of it.
God is our shelter, our refuge, our strong tower of strength. His walls that cover over us, will never fall because of the foundation of His love for us. His love is undeniable, and is everlasting. There is no condemnation, and there is nothing that can separate us from the love that Christ has given unto us. Let's turn to Him for that spiritual medicine when we are going through our moments of crisis.
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